Call it a tubular intervention, but the new Point Break trailer has brought renewed focus to the realm of mainstream action sports cinema — a focus that painfully reminds us just how awful the mainstream is at making extreme sports movies.
No, we are not talking about the adventure porn from Brain Farm or Matchstick Productions that we pine for every off-season; we are talking the cheeseball productions that have somehow linked the sports we love with ridiculous plotlines of drug running, international terrorism and every other degree of nonsense imaginable (because snowboarding isn’t entertaining enough without being involved in a cartel hostage situation, right?).
There are no two ways about it: Most action sports movies are bad. Like, really bad. With that said, we thought it was time to give some of the worst their due. Here's our list of the five worst action sports movies ever to hit the silver screen. (Don’t mind the, uh, language in the trailers. It get a little Xtreme, bro.)
This 2012 release never really took off the way you’d expect a movie about a motocross star turned drug-pushing, pistol-whipping X Games washout with an oversized-sunglasses addiction to take off. On second thought, it took off the way you’d expect a movie about a motocross star turned drug-pushing, pistol-whipping X Games washout with an oversized-sunglasses addiction to take off.
Six action sports athletes stumble upon an international terror organization posted up at a mountaintop hotel and have to find their way down the treacherous peak before getting snuffed out by contracted killers. Highlights include snowboarders grinding a railroad track while their filmer hangs from the bottom of a train. Lowlights include just about everything else.
Apparently Sharknado wasn’t enough ridiculous for Planet Earth, so director Scott Wheeler decided to combine two of my greatest fears — avalanches and sharks — into one laughable science-fiction flick. Avalanche Sharks swim through snow like water, gobbling up coeds and ruining Spring Break one snow bunny at a time.
‘Gleaming the Cube’
This skateboard movie was an instant classic on any bad-movie buff's list back in the late 1980s. Christian Slater plays a punk skateboarder whose brother (the resemblance is a little off, but we’ll go with it) gets killed by an Asian drug smuggler, turning him into a vendetta-seeking teenager who uses his skateboard as a weapon. Seems believable enough.
Just kidding, THIS IS THE PERFECT MOVIE. A young Rob Schneider leads a bunch of teenage exiled-islanders-turned-California-surfers back to their homeland to fight an evil emperor with assumed ninja skills and all-seeing handheld video game. Add in a surfing Tone Lōc and an evil Leslie Nielsen and it’s pretty hard not to laugh through the whole thing.
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